Possible Issues

* Dealing with Gerard's health

* Dealing with Gerard's eventual death

* Dealing with hating my family

* Pushing away my past, not letting myself feel those happy memories so that I can still hate my family

* Dealing with hating god

* Pushing away my past, not letting myself feel tender or kindly disposed towards god so that I can still hate god

* Needing to hate my past so that my ego doesn't disintegrate

* Using anger and hate as a shield

* Afraid to let the walls down and feel what another person is feeling

* Afraid to let my resentment for my situation with Gerard show

* Afraid to show my feelings of being trapped

* Afraid to be disappointed about where I am in life

* Afraid to feel pleasure cause it's gross, cause I'm a fat gross lecher

* Afraid that I am what I fear I am

* Afraid that others will see all of that and agree

* Afraid that I am not special, that I am not talented or smart or funny or good looking

* Afraid that I am not just average but pretentious and pitiable

* Afraid to trust others in case I am the butt of a joke that I haven't caught on to yet

* Afraid to let others close because they just cut you, or you cut them

* Afraid that life is just pain and everything else is a lie

* Afraid that there is no after life and this is it, this miserable fucking slimeball of a life is all there is

* Afraid to be afraid because I'll never get out of it

* Afraid to be a cry baby

* Afraid to offend people or stand up for myself lest they cut me down

* Afraid that I am just as pathetic as my father always said I was

* Afraid that my mother's illness is hereditary

* Afraid that I am just as much of a bastard as the rest of my family

* Afraid that there is no escape