tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68387401642968252662011-10-04T13:41:57.943-07:00Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.comBlogger61100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-59520051373979362422011-01-06T12:14:00.000-08:002011-01-06T12:18:31.535-08:00

I went to see the social worker today. She mostly just sat there and let me talk. I don't know why I was expecting something more. I know all the things that they tell you already. I've done therapy before and I'm aware of the stages of grief. It felt good to talk though.Maybe the group will be better. I contacted the LGBT center and they have a bereavement group that meets twice a week.

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-79853481006865955032011-01-03T13:56:00.001-08:002011-01-06T12:12:00.906-08:00

I don't want to live without Gerard. He was so kind and warm and wonderful. He was the reason I got out of bed in the morning, my reason for breathing. He was the sum of my hopes and dreams. With him gone not only do I have nothing left to live for, but I don't want to live at all. A world without him is not one I want to live in.

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-20814395512001984002010-12-27T17:49:00.001-08:002011-01-06T12:12:38.035-08:00

Since Gerard died I do not have the money to stay in our apartment. I have to move this weekend. Because I couldn't do much packing last weekend since everything was closed for the holiday, I asked my boss if I could have a day or a half day off this week. She said no, because it was too short notice.That's so fucking ridiculous. Like I planned for Gerard to die. That came with no fucking

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-73979816805745007752010-12-27T13:42:00.000-08:002010-12-27T16:18:24.412-08:00

My husband passed away. Tomorrow at noon it will be three weeks. I am devastated, laid barren. I have no dreams, no hope, no warmth to live for. I'm getting out of bed each morning because people tell me I should. But the truth that I tell no one is that I died the day he died. So why should I live?There is nothing I want to do without him. I come to work, try and do my job, but there is no

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-476199853900869542010-11-08T17:26:00.000-08:002010-11-08T17:38:14.877-08:00

* Dealing with Gerard's health* Dealing with Gerard's eventual death* Dealing with hating my family* Pushing away my past, not letting myself feel those happy memories so that I can still hate my family* Dealing with hating god* Pushing away my past, not letting myself feel tender or kindly disposed towards god so that I can still hate god* Needing to hate my past so that my ego doesn't

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6838740164296825266.post-89537997664417329922010-11-08T16:51:00.000-08:002010-11-08T17:02:35.160-08:00

I don't really know what to do with myself right now. I am having a difficult time focusing at work and at home. I feel so conflicted and angry about so many things. I don't know why I can't get my shit together. I can't understand why it's so difficult. Why does my psyche have to be such a mystery?My current therapist says that I am running away from my emotions and/or thoughts. He says

Wolf Heartnoreply@blogger.com0