Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Spinning plates

I find myself reevaluating my entire life. When I made that mistake was it ADHD? How about this habit? So much of what I considered personality or moral failings might turn it to be instead ADHD. My strategy up till now has been to try harder and harder to force myself to keep strict schedules and to try and control everything. This has the effect of ratcheting up my anxiety and making me feel incredibly bad about myself when I continue to fail.

A long running metaphor I've used to explain my experience is that I'm spinning plates. Just the basic maintenance work of daily life feels unmanageable. I can force myself to do it for a while, but I eventually my willpower fails and I sink into a depression. The plates come crashing down in a hail of self loathing.

If it's ADHD and not just my own personal failing, then maybe I can find coping strategies. And by managing my ADHD I'll finally be able to have a manageable life.

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