Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Fears and Anxieties as I reenter the world

  • Fat: I'm exercising and eating better. I've already lost some weight. I'm not unlovable because of my weight. I can be attractive and larger than my ideal weight. 
  • No money: I'm working on it. I get $10 a week, which isn't a lot but it's something. I'm working my way through the county program and may get some help with training. Goal noise is to get a job with benefits. Goal in the future maybe go to school. 
  • No space: Not much I can do about that, but it'll resolve in time. 
  • No transportation: I have public transit and my feet for now. I'll eventually have the funds to maintain my car again. 
  • Getting pulled into others expectations: I'm not obligated to do anything I don't want to do. Even if I was in a relationship I am still me. Fuck others expectations. What do I want. If it makes me uncomfortable then no, I won't do it. 
  • Don't want to be a boy: then don't. 
  • Don't want a relationship: then don't be. Just because you fuck someone or care about them doesn't mean you have to meld your lives. 
  • Can't be social or loved because of the above: fuck that. Do what you want, what you are able to do right now. If someone can't understand your limits then fuck them. It's their problem, not yours. You are whole as you are. You are ok. You are you and that is enough. 

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Gods - Chakras

Root - Ganesh Sacral - Freya Solar Plexus - Durga Heart - the Morrigan Throat - Shiva Third Eye - Horus Crown - Cernunnos