- Fat: I'm exercising and eating better. I've already lost some weight. I'm not unlovable because of my weight. I can be attractive and larger than my ideal weight.
- No money: I'm working on it. I get $10 a week, which isn't a lot but it's something. I'm working my way through the county program and may get some help with training. Goal now is to get a job with benefits. Goal in the future maybe go to school.
- No space: Not much I can do about that, but it'll resolve in time.
- No transportation: I have public transit and my feet for now. I'll eventually have the funds to maintain my car again.
- Getting pulled into others expectations: I'm not obligated to do anything I don't want to do. Even if I was in a relationship I am still me. Fuck other's expectations. What do I want? If it makes me uncomfortable then no, I won't do it.
- Can't be social or loved because of the above: fuck that. Do what you want, what you are able to do right now. If someone can't understand your limits then fuck them. It's their problem, not yours. You are whole as you are. You are ok. You are you and that is enough.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Fears and Anxieties as I reenter the world
I'm realizing that I can't do this Daddy/boy relationship like I have done Dom/sub in the past. I've been slipping into old patt...
i am absolutely terrified that i'm not going to find anyone to hire me. And even if i do, will i be able to keep the job without fucking...
Today was not a good day. I had my first group therapy session: a mindfulness meditation class. I've been doing so well with my solitary...
I did something I hadn't done in a decade, that I swore I would never do again. I don't want to go back to those dark days. Even so,...