Monday, June 5, 2017

Gerard vision

I did some magic to find Gerard. I looked for WG get he went when he died, went back to the moment of his death when i saw him disappear. I saw the room grow dark as he left his body. I saw him go to the lake with the black and white robbed men and the boat, and then i couldn't follow him anymore. I saw our bond we had forged broken as he traveled from this life into the next where I couldn't follow. I went back to the bond and did another spell to repair it. I talked to him, asked him questions. Did he blame me? No. Was he upset with how i used the insurance money? He understood how hard it was for me and was glad it helped give me some time to deal with my pain. Did he feel hurt that i was pissy there night he died? He felt responsible for my difficulties and thought I'd be better if it he just passed away. That's why he let go. That's why he put the bond aside. He was trying to give me space to live. I apologized, said i love him. He said he loves me too and that he wasn't mad or hurt, he just wanted the best for me. He seemed happy and well. I asked if he still wanted to be together and he emphatically said yes.

I suddenly remembered all these wonderful moments we had that i have been blocked from. So many memories, one after the next for an hour or more. And then i saw what he wanted. He always says he wished we had met when he was my age, and i saw these what ifs, this perfect world were i want abused and we were the she age and young and healthy. We danced and traveled and fucked and had a home. We adopted a child. We lived and shone so bright. It was breath takingly beautiful.

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Gods - Chakras

Root - Ganesh Sacral - Freya Solar Plexus - Durga Heart - the Morrigan Throat - Shiva Third Eye - Horus Crown - Cernunnos