But now this guy wants to meet up and I don't know how I feel about that. He seems nice, and there was some chemistry. He just wants to meet for dinner. Meanwhile I don't have any money, or a place we could have sex if it got that far... even if I did I would still be scared I think. Not that kind of first date nervousness either. Full on afraid. There is no outcome to any of this which isn't terrifying for me. Good is awful because I am not ready to let someone in. Bad is awful because... of all the reasons bad dates are awful, lol. Even middle of the road blah is terrible. I don't feel ready.
But honestly, will I ever feel ready? I don't want to be doing any of this. So why am I? I seem to be saying that a lot lately.